Haven't been able to write anything since the first post because it has been an extremely busy time for me with school and work and pretty much life in general.
Two large research papers due at the beginning of April, right before finals. Someone please tell me why I decided to complete an English major! Oh my!
Two year anniversary with the bf is swiftly approaching. Wondering what, if anything, it will bring. Been wondering , lately about our future. Not in a bad, or a we're gonna break up way, but in the way that I feel that there is a good chance that we will be together for a while. Maybe not forever because I tend to be a wee bit cynical about relationships. I'm afraid to take the plunge, and indulge myself fully. It's kinda hard to articulate but its like I don't wanna give him every part of me because I fear change. How do I learn to get over my fear? I know that I will always be an individual but I think that a part of me fears that I will become one of "those" couples who seem to have one solid identity and no individuality. I'm too afraid I'm not the type to wander or get bored easily, I find myself content. More than content I guess is appropriate. I feel secure and happy and energized when we are together and when we are apart I feel like everything negative around me could be eliminated if I could just talk to him.
He's thinking about doing a cooking course that would, assuming he is hired afterward, take him away for five weeks at a time, returning for one. The money is really great but money won't be there for me when I need him. Its only a thought in his mind, and of course I encouraged him saying that we would have Skype dates and message one another but... Its so far into the future that its silly to even worry about it now, and I would never hold him back for anything he wants to do but what about me? Is that a selfish thing to say? I love him and I never want to lose him but maybe there is some credence to that old saying about loving something and letting it free and if it comes back to you then it was meant to be...
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